Merry Christmas from the Flowers Family!
For those of you who are new to this tradition, this is our 12th consecutive year to update our family and friends with a tongue-in-cheek Christmas letter describing:
- Our professional careers which are further along than yours
- Our luxurious vacations that you couldn’t possibly afford
- Our 36 ACT scoring, modeling agency looking, finalists on The Voice children
- And our cute dogs that never pee or poop until we give them the command
You may notice in this year’s addition that I will not mention our youngest son Jack at all. That is intentional. You see, Jack has decided to break family tradition and attend Auburn University next fall. When we broke the news to my dad at Thanksgiving dinner he wailed, “Infidel! You are dead to me!” He tore his Alabama sweatshirt and sat at the head of the table in sackcloth and ashes. He didn’t touch his dressing, which was concerning to us since that normally provides 80% of his nutrition and calories for the year. Because we are faithful to the law of our family, we decided to put away Jack quietly as not to publicly disgrace him. I saw on Facebook where he landed with some Auburn people. I messaged him good luck and that if he decided to transfer just to let us know.
Oh, before I quit mentioning him, Jack did make All-County in swimming. To commemorate the accomplishment, my dad gave Jack two cinder blocks and said, “Swim with these on your feet.”
Britton and Sam—the good boys—are rolling along at the Capstone. Britton is entering his last semester on the payroll this spring. When he came home for break, Christy placed an article on his pillow that read “Young Adults Living with Parents Rises to 75 Year High.” She left a sweet, handwritten note on the first page, “Not on My Watch :).” I believe she might be looking forward to being an empty nester. Britton has no idea what he wants to do with his life, and we told him that we were still trying to figure out the same thing ourselves. Neither the article nor our advice comforted him. So, he is trying out for The Voice this spring once his modeling agency contract expires.
Sam is currently aggravated with college. Nothing in particular, just the fact that the actual school part is getting in the way of his social life. Sam’s major is telecommunication and film, and we believe his choice of study was both cunning and shrewd. Every time we chastise him for burying his nose in an electrical device watching TV, movies, or videos—his terse response is “Doing homework.”
Rather than vacation last summer, we opted for a Christian family retreat. If you have read previous Christmas letters, you understand why. Ironically, we started the week’s retreat by flying into Sin City—Las Vegas. We visited Hoover Dam, and did the whole dam tour and bought all the dam souvenirs.
All smiles despite the incredible hangovers from all-night bender and gambling.
Did I mention we rented a … minivan? We got in and immediately felt the coolness and swag drain from our bodies. (Christy does NOT do minivans.) To get her mind off the vehicle, Christy focused her efforts on navigating. However, her idea of navigation is to hit every historic marker and funky roadside store off the beaten path. We arrived 6 hours late to the retreat. There was lots of yelling in the car. The other families had already cried, reconciled, hugged, and sang Kumbaya around the campfire before we piled out of the minivan. We had lots of work to do.
Britton, Jack, and I at camp–a spiritual mountaintop experience … Christy and Sam opted for shopping in Telluride instead. (Notice impressive “Shaggy” goatee…Part of No Shave 2016.)
Speaking of lots of work… Inspired by the HGTV series Flip or Flop, Christy found a house for us to flip in Fairhope this year. We found out that it is not as easy as it looks on TV. Christy grew weary of me using curse words like ‘budget’ and ‘cost’ and ‘money’ throughout the process. I grew tired of arguments based on ‘but it’s so pretty’ or ‘if you loved me you would do it.’ Our results were a tad different from the popular couple on TV, but that is not all bad. Christy is not dating our contractor and I did not run out of our house with a loaded gun to “blow off some steam.” We planned to use any profit from the house to pay for Jack’s college, but now that he has gone rogue, I believe a ski trip is in our future.
Gloomy, dreary before Christy’s touch
Christy even made the sun shine brighter after completion!
I will say this about my bride. She is a woman who knows what she wants. I mean, let’s face it, she wanted a chiseled, powerful man with a good sense of humor for a husband. We all know how that worked out. However, in this particular instance, I am referencing our new canine addition this year—Gracie the bulldog. We have had bulldogs as a part of our family since he who shall not be named in this Christmas letter was 6 months old. Our latest is fat, spunky, and stubborn—just like all the others before her—except Gracie is our first bulldog to go into heat. With all male dogs and all male children for the last 22 years, this was a bit of a shock. Gracie growled, threw her food, slammed the door to her crate, and bared her teeth when we asked her to sit. She and Christy cuddled a lot during that time. Everyone else avoided eye contact.
Looking forward to 2017, here are just a few of the exciting things we anticipate:
- First, the extended Flowers family has a Christmas tradition where we all go to a movie together. Looks like this year will be Rogue One—the latest Star Wars saga. We will draw straws to see who will have to explain to the grandparents that this is a sequel to the prequel which was built on the prequels explaining the original three sequels in the 1970’s and 80’s.
- Because we both turn 50 next year, I went ahead and scheduled Christy and I for a romantic couples’ colonoscopy.
- Empty nest! It will be like dating all over again … except we are tired, cranky, and know all the things that we tried to hide from each other at first.
- Next year’s Iron Bowl will be in Auburn … will we visit you know who?
The Flowers hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Join my blog to get more of this on a weekly basis! Share with someone this Christmas!
We still love him, only less.